So its 1.26am. Feel so empty, shattered yet sitting in PJs ready for bed but can't brings myself to turn this laptop off and go to sleep. Pathetic I know.
I just feel so empty and numb. Laurel texted me earlier just to see how I was doing- her text caused tears so stream down my face. I wanted to text someone for some support but felt too bad in case I bothered anyone. I never cry at the moment other than in therapy sometimes so crying at a text while at home was a change. Now days I just seem to float through the day (not in a good way) wondering what it would be like to die, questioning life and existence whilst trying to actually do things, avoid chest pains and put on my trusty 'Ellie' face to get through. Things are getting to the all time low where they are so bad that I can't feel much at all and to be honest I'd rather be in total agony, screaming, crying... etc than that because it feels so numb and horrible, I wish it'd go away.
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