I keep thinking about you and wonder what you're up to. I don't want to email you again because last time you said you would have liked to hear about other things than I had written about, it made me really embarrassed.
I was thinking this time last year I'd just started with Louise properly after you had left in the winter. So much has changed since then and I keep wishing I had told you some of the things that happened- like a person that you thought was nice but really wasn't, if I had known what I know now then I would have told you but I was sucked in by the lies too so it was really difficult to see past what was happening.
Part of me would like to meet up with you again but I would be too nervous about what you would think of me now, I know my body has changed and I would be worried that you would comment on it.
I can still imagine you and see you in my head- did you know I became scared of you when you wore a suit? and when you had had a haircut? I always felt more nervous seeing you then and it was weird but each time you wore a suit/had a hair cut our appointments went badly.
I think towards the end of your time at CAMHS you had become a different person and wouldn't let me talk much anyway so maybe it was better that you left the service and that I couldn't see you anymore and that I can remember you more as you were in the early days than towards the end.
Its such a strange idea that I saw you for 1 or 2 times a week for over three years and I'm never supposed to contact you again. It's horrible getting close to someone and almost building a relationship/attachment with them for it to be broken so sudden and harshly.
Anyway, I hope you are well and that you are OK. Miss you Pegster!
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